Newsweek Senior Writer Compares Ted Cruz’s Iowa Supporters to Nazis. This guy’s yet another reason we hate the media.

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Perception is reality: How our friends and enemies perceive Barack Obama

Barack Obama, who was sold to the American people as the most intelligent, most competent presidential candidate ever, is beginning to look like he’s not competent to run a hotel on Baltic Avenue, much less the house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

The latest issue of U.S. News takes a look at the results of the last 17 months:

The end result is that a critical mass of influential people in world affairs who once held high hopes for the president have begun to wonder whether they misjudged the man.

They are no longer dazzled by his rock star personality and there is a sense that there is something amateurish and even incompetent about how Obama is managing U.S. power…

America right now appears to be unreliable to traditional friends, compliant to rivals, and weak to enemies. One renowned Asian leader stated recently at a private dinner in the United States, “We in Asia are convinced that Obama is not strong enough to confront his opponents, but we fear that he is not strong enough to support his friends.”

Why so harsh, Newsweek? The guy plays a mean game of golf and doesn’t he deserve a little credit for that?


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Joan-rivers newsweek msbnc

We're not sure if this is Joan Rivers or the Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum version of Joan Rivers. But what's the difference?

MSNBC, struggling to show that it’ still relevant, recently ran a story on its website from Newsweek, the magazine that makes the ratings-challenged cable news network seem successful by comparison. The title of the story was “The Importance of Joan Rivers.”

No. Really. That was the title.

We can only assume that tired of lingering on it’s death bed, Newsweek is seeking to end it all by publishing stories such as “Alvin and the Chipmunks – That’s Entertainment!” That would, of course, would be almost as fascinating as the Joan Rivers story.

The article contains such insights as “The cameras followed Rivers for a year, beginning in mid-2008 when she turned 75, capturing moments of raw honesty often in the same scenes that display huge blind spots. In a limo on the way to a Comedy Central roast, Rivers whines to her assistant, ‘I am so depressed,’ because she’s anticipating the predictable jokes about surgery and aging. So why does she do it? For the money—not exactly a depressing motive. (After all, she has a staff and a gilded, faux-Versailles apartment to maintain.)”

We think that Newsweek may have dropped a 1 from the front of River’s age, but we are only guessing.

No matter what her age, Joan Rivers is barely relevant enough to qualify for a mention on IHateTheMedia. But that does give her a distinct advantage over MSNBC and Newsweek.

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archie gay character

Betty's hot. Veronica's even hotter. And we're getting hot just thinking about it.

What the hell is up at Archie Comics?

First, Jon Goldwater, the company’s co-CEO, announces that the comic will introduce its first gay character. Then he unveils the cover of the issue in which that character “comes out” and it features an extremely well endowed Veronica.

Forgive us for assuming this was merely Goldwater’s subtle way of announcing the kind of Betty and Veronica bi-curious experimentation American boys have been dreaming about for generations. And forgive us for being more than just a little disappointed when we learned that they that the gay character in question isn’t Veronica and isn’t Betty, but some new character named Kevin Keller.

The AP article says that “The strapping blond will defeat Jughead in a burger eating contest, win the affection of Veronica and wrestle over how to gently rebuff her flirtations.” And that, apparently, will be the only wrestling to occur in Riverdale.

Oh, well. We still have our Lois Lane-Lana Lang fantasy.

Source: Associated Press via MSNBC

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Picture the meeting of the editorial board at Good Housekeeping:

“Great news. We just completed a photo shoot with Michelle Obama for next month’s cover.”
“The First Lady’s going to be on our cover? Fabulous.”
“Well, there’s one little problem. When we saw the photos, they actually looked like Michelle Obama. So we had to bring in the PhotoShop boys.”

Michelle Obama Ugly

In case you've forgotten, this is what Michelle Obama really looks like“

“Oh, no.”
“Yeah, we had to tighten up her forehead a little.”
“That’s no big deal.”
“And while we were at it, we enhanced the right side of her face. Just a tad.”
“Enhanced is good. Well, at least it’s better that ‘replaced’, which is what we did to the entire lower half of her face.”
(Burying her face in her hands) “Oh, my god.”
“Then the PhotoShop crew decided to outline her hair.”
“Please tell me it looks good.”
“Well, not really. It ended up looking kind of like a football helmet.”
“For god’s sake, man, could this possibly be any worse?”
“Did I mention the weird lighting?”


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Is this a typo or a Freudian slip?

by editor on April 10, 2010

monopoly-bank-error-card The Wall Street Journal recently issued the following correction. But to tell the truth, we kind of like the original version:

At a memorial gathering for Bruce Wasserstein, New York magazine editor Adam Moss described Mr. Wasserstein as having the “soul of a journalist and the wallet of a tycoon.” A Tuesday Deals & Deal Makers article about the memorial incorrectly quoted Mr. Moss as saying Mr. Wasserstein had “the heart of a tycoon.”

You know how those tycoons are.



Keith Olbermann broke out in a nervous sweat lthis week when Newsweek’s Howard Fineman sounded as if he had become one of those dreaded birthers.

Fineman explained how ObamaCare got passed:

Fineman: Persistence by President Obama, who comes from a country of long-distance runners and was one; persistence in canniness by Nancy Pelosi and Rahm Emanuel…

Olbermann: You just said that the President comes from a nation of long-distance runners. You mean he`s descended from them.

Fineman: Descended from them, excuse me.

Olbermann: Otherwise, the headline is, “Fineman, birther.”

Fineman: Birther, yeah, no, descended from.

Fineman was this close to never being invited back on the Olbermann show. This close.


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When one is the anchorette of a struggling newscast, one cannot be bothered with the travails of the little people.

That’s why Katie Couric did a Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot bedecked in diamonds while 200 her minions at CBS News were being laid off.

Ahhh, the life of luxury as reported by Harper’s Bazaar:

Today, three weeks shy of 53, Couric looks tomboy terrific, that barely-made-up face betraying zero surgical workmanship, the fabled legs making those giant strides for women in black leather riding boots. She’s been sitting here in her office, with its gentle lighting and creamy beauty-salon palette, answering e-mails and working up a 60 Minutes profile of White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, trying to get Rahm and his brothers, Hollywood talent agent Ari and bioethicist Zeke, into the same room together, mix-mastering impossible schedules, herding egos.

She’s still rocking a young look, thanks to tennis once a week, Spinning, yoga, Pilates. She’s a little bored with Pilates, which she started up three years ago to help calm her back. Like most of American womanhood, she wouldn’t mind if she were taller, with thinner thighs. She doesn’t deny she believes in Botox: “I think if you want to do some tweaks here and there, there’s nothing wrong with that.” High-definition television has been kind to her, she says. “I think the fear factor of high def was overblown,” she says, but adds, “I think God has a wonderful way of making your eyes start to go as your face does. I really can’t see very well. Up close? Like in the mirror?” She giggles drily. “I always worry after I’ve done my makeup that I’m gonna look like What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?”

Katie makes $15,000,000 per year. The 200 people being laid off make an average of $75,000 per year, which is equal to…you guessed it…$15,000,000.

Katie better hope they didn’t lay off the guys in charge of make-up and soft lighting.

Source: Harper’s Bazaar

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Who is Newsweek's mysterious liberal writer?

There’s nothing unusual about finding left wing crappola in Newsweek, so the article “Is The Tea Party Over?” hardly took us by surprise.

It describes tea party members as “Veterans, deeply suspicious of the young liberal president and embittered, ironically, by Congress’s failure to keep its promise to give them government-run health care for life….gun-rights activists, who believed that their Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms was being put at risk by Barack Obama” and “The faces of talk-show fans, pushed into action by the apocalyptic warnings of personalities like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. Those two right-wing talkers had spent the past year telling listeners that the Democratic president was a racist who somehow managed to find the time also to be a Nazi and a communist.”

Talk about your crazy left-wing journalists. This guy sounded as if he was channeling Janet Napolitano and her fear of ‘military veterans’ who are “deeply suspicious” of “the young liberal president.”

Imagine our shock to find out that the article was written by Joe Scarborough. You know the “conservative” guy on MSNBC’s Morning Joe show? Not sure how to break this to you Joe, but most conservatives really seem to like our veterans, thank you very much.

Joe says the tea-party movement, which “should be celebrating its Massachusetts miracle, the collapse of health-care reform, and the destruction of the Democrats’ filibuster-proof majority” is instead “at the very moment … at risk of tearing itself apart.”

Scarborough used the rest of the article to criticize Glenn Beck, which is apparently a part of any MSNBC anchor’s contract and also part of a contest among all anchors on the network each month to decide who gets the best parking spot.

We’re not blaming Scarborough for the loss of his mind to liberal bias. In addition to working at MSNBC, he also spent six years in Congress.

We suspect that the combination of the two is more than even the strongest mind can endure.

Source: Newsweek

– Written by Patrick Michael

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The message of Massachusetts is clearer to some people than to others. Leftist publications must have been fully prepared for a Democrat loss in Massachusetts. Or they’re really fast typists.

For example, Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter posted an article that sounded promising – “The Message Democrats Should Hear From Massachusetts.” Well, sounded promising is about as good as it got.

It started off fairly well, noting that “There’s no way for the Democrats to soft pedal the historic thumping that Republican Scott Brown delivered to Democrat Martha Coakley on Tuesday in the race to fill Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat.”

But the article quickly went South from there.

Asking “Is this a wake up call for President Obama? Yes. Does he need to show that he is listening more? Sure. But should this election kill health care? Don’t be ridiculous. Who elected Massachusetts to decide for the rest of the country whether we move forward on the bill?”

Not sure that anyone elected Massachusetts to do that, but we are pretty sure that the nation spoke out pretty firmly in the last few weeks to say that we’d rather have swine flu than this bloated pig of a bill.

But Newsweek is apparently home to math-challenged individuals like Alter who consider 33% a majority.

[click to continue…]

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"Climate change," President Obama said, "is like a fire breathing dragon that threatens the global village." "公牛狗屎," replied the Chinese Premier.

Ahhh, the poetry of the Chinese language. Hell, here in America, we’d just say I hate the media. And here’s another reason why.

Newsweek, that venerable publication devoted to defending traditonal American ideals (In English, that’s what’s known as a joke. In Chinese, it’s 笑话)…anyway, Newsweek recently published an article entitled “Why China and the U.S. Will Only Get Closer.”

Please allow us to summarize the article: Blah, blah, blah, China’s cool now and the US isn’t blah, blah, blah.

The comrade journalist who wrote the article says, “Having grown accustomed to dominance, many Americans now find China’s boom unsettling. After all, two states like this are historically expected to clash.”

But the article says this need not necessarily be our fate. “China need not become an adversary.” How can we avoid it, Newsweek? How? Simple. “Americans must come to terms with the reality that their own vaunted democratic system has often failed them.”

The article ends by revealing the reason the United States and China must become closer. It’s climate change. Of course. We should have known that Newsweek would somehow pin the future of democracy to the global warming scam.


That’s how you say bullshit in Chinese.

(Pardon us. We have to rush off and buy We think it’ll be huge in 2010.)

Source: Newsweek

– Written by Patrick Michael

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Liberty awaits: The Massachusetts Miracle

by editor on January 17, 2010

The senatorial vote in Massachusetts Tuesday is going to be the miracle that unchains us from the tyranny of the Obama Administration and Pelosi-Reid congress.

If you live in Massachusetts, we better not hear you didn’t get out and vote for Scott Brown.

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Relax, perv. This story isn’t about what you may think it’s about.

Turns out that Canada’s second-oldest magazine is called The Beaver. After 90 years of publication, it’s changing its name because the old one is being censored by online porn filters that interpret it as slang for female genitalia.

In one of history’s greatest understatements, publisher Deborah Morrison said, “The Beaver was an impediment online.”

“Nearly a century ago,” she added, “it probably seemed the perfect name for a magazine about the fur trade and Canada’s northwest frontier. There was only one interpretation for the word then.

“But you’re likely to find a lot of (porn) sites now if you search for the title of our history magazine online,” she concluded.

The Beaver becomes extinct after its February/March issue. Then it will spring back to life under the incredibly boring, but unmistakable name Canada’s History.

From what we hear, the first issue of Canada’s History will feature a centerfold, Miss April, Nanookie of the North.

Source: AFP

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Grrrrrrrrr: We admire Angelina Jolie for her mind

Grrrrrrrrr: We admire Angelina Jolie for her mind

Until now we wouldn’t have put her mind on a list of things we admire about Angelina Jolie. But an article in US magazine has convinced us to have a change of heart:

Barack Obama does not have Angelina Jolie’s seal of approval.

“She hates him,” a source close to the U.N. goodwill ambassador, 34, tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now).

“She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise,” adds the source.

But don’t expect to see the Salt actress rally against Democrats on Fox News like her staunch Republican father, Jon Voight.

“Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors,” the source says.

And that’s where we part ways with the lovely Angelina. Barack Obama is not all smoke and mirrors.

There’s also a liberal helping of bullshit.


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palin-newsweek cover sarah palin The latest Newsweek’s cover features a photo of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in her running outfit. This image was apparently “liberated” from a Runner’s World photo shoot.

The photo is accompanied by a headline that screams, “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else too.”

The cover story continues, “The Alaska Republican also doesn’t hold back in her book, writing at one point, “I had been out of journalism for a long time, and it was pretty obvious the rules had changed. I felt sick about the depths to which some in the press had apparently sunk, not because it was unfair to me and John, but because it was unfair to the American electorate.”

newsweek-obama-cover As if to prove that Palin was correct, Newsweek editor Jon Meacham defends the image the magazine chose for its cover. “We chose the most interesting image available to us to illustrate the theme of the cover, which is what we always try to do,” he told CNN. “We apply the same test to photographs of any public figure, male or female: does the image convey what we are saying? That is a gender-neutral standard.”

It’s clear what they’re trying to say about Palin. And just to make it equally clear what they’re trying to say about President Obama, we’ve taken the liberty of developing this cover design to be used with Newsweek’s next Obama cover story.


– Written by Patrick Michael

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Representatives from Newsweek, NBC, Comedy Central and the New York Times prepare to congratulate each other

Representatives from Newsweek, NBC, Comedy Central and the New York Times prepare to congratulate each other

Newsweek decided to do a story on “New Thought Leaders” and invited prominent people to talk about them. Jon Stewart (believe it or not) was ranked #2 and NBC News anchor Brian Williams got all gooey about Jon Stewart.

Our advice: Stand back so you don’t get any on you.

In just the span of a short few years, Jon Stewart has gone from optional to indispensable. Case in point: when Jon went all Glenn Beck on Jim Cramer a few months back. A few of us blanched. Getting pissed, brimming with bile—that was so . . . MSM of him. And yet, in the niche-y, hip, and in-the-know world of late-night, media-skewering comedy, it had the impact of Cronkite turning against Vietnam … The old arc of a news story went like this: News happens. Media cover news. Audience reacts, then turns in for the night. For the past several years, however, there’s been another step added to the end of the process: being held to account for our faults by a comedy show with a sharp eye and a sharp tongue. How did we live without it?

Yeah, that’s pretty barf-inducing. But it gets worse and we expect your never-ending thanks for revealing this next item so you don’t have to waste any time reading it for yourself:

Newsweek also invited New York Times columnist Gail Collins to drool over Hilary Clinton as the #10 New Thought Leader.

Pardon us, but we think we’ll stick with the same old thoughts.

Source: Newsweek

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Funniest damn series of photos ever. News hag Andrea Mitchell desperately wants to waylay Sarah Palin to get a comment about Newsweek’s sexist cover photo, but police won’t let her through.

Mitchell: Sarah! Sarah! Can I get your autograph? Sign it, “To Alan, with love, Sarah.”




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"I'll take The 57 States for a thousand, Alex."

"I'll take The 57 States for a thousand, Alex."

Kenneth T. Walsh, Chief White House correspondent for US News & World Report, met the The Greatest President History in person and thinks he’s also the Smartest President In History.

“Face to face,” Walsh says, “President Obama seems even more unflappable, cerebral, and dispassionate than he appears on television.”

Silly us. We thought things like the war with Fox News, the AP, and made Obama seem a wee bit thin skinned. But Walsh tells us, “Obama’s natural instinct is to keep his feelings to himself.”

Just to be sure, we’re still talking about Barack Obama, right?

Finally, Walsh says, “I have interviewed each of the past five presidents — Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and now Obama—and Obama seems the most cerebral and the least emotional of them all.”

That may be true, Kenneth, but we’ll bet you good money that the other four could have told you how many states there are.


– Written by Patrick Michael

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Somehow, we dont think Levi Johnston will like the thought of gay men looking at his...uhh...his...never mind

Somehow, we dont think Levi Johnston will like the thought of gay men looking at his...uhh...his...never mind

We’re going to give Levi Johnston the benefit of the doubt and assume that neither he nor his advisors are familiar with the demographics of Playgirl magazine readers. They undoubtedly thought, “Ahhh, Playgirl. Lots of women readers.”

That would be an incorrect assumption.

Posing nude for Playgirl is next for the 19-year-old father of Sarah Palin’s grandchild. Johnston’s attorney, Rex Butler, said Wednesday that a formal agreement has not been reached with the online magazine but adds it’s a “foregone conclusion” it will happen…

To get ready for his close-up, Johnston “is training three hours a day, six nights a week at an Anchorage gym with a local body builder, Marvin Jones, a former Mr. Alaska competitor.

When was the last time you saw a woman reading Playgirl magazine? Never?

Wikipedia says,
[click to continue…]

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President Obama with David Axelrod and Valerie Jarrett. With friends like this who needs enemies?

President Obama with David Axelrod and Valerie Jarrett. With friends like this who needs enemies?

Valarie Jarrett and David Axelrod have been busy doing Olympic-sized damage control for the Greatest President In History. Damage caused, unfortunately, when the President listened to their advice.

“The intelligence that we had from the U.S. Olympic Committee and Chicago bid team was that it was very close and therefore well worth our efforts,” said Valerie Jarrett, a senior White House adviser. “The message was that . . . a personal appeal from the president would make a huge difference.”

Does that mean if Obama had of skipped the trip that instead of coming in last we would have come in really, really last?

“Axelrod said, the president told his staff to send an advance team to Copenhagen just in case. “It was always in his mind that he wanted to go and would go,” Axelrod said. “But he needed to leave himself a little bit of room in case healthcare was on the floor.”

We’re sure Axelrod meant to say “or something may go wrong in Iran or Israel or Iraq or Afghanistan or North Korea.”

Mr. President, may we respectfully suggest that you run an ad on We’re pretty confident you can find some better advisors there than the ones you have now.

Source: Chicago Tribune

– Written by Patrick Michael

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Linguists and liberal Democrats have just discovered that "Barack" is the Swahili word for "empty suit."

Linguists and liberal Democrats have just discovered that "Barack" is the Swahili word for "empty suit."

Howard Fineman takes to the pages of Newsweek to say the words Obamaniacs do not want to hear, especially not from another lib:

 Barack Obama is an empty suit.

The president’s problem isn’t that he is too visible; it’s the lack of content in what he says when he keeps showing up on the tube. Obama can seem a mite too impressed with his own aura, as if his presence on the stage is the Answer. There is, at times, a self-referential (even self-reverential) tone in his big speeches. They are heavily salted with the words “I” and “my.” (He used the former 11 times in the first few paragraphs of his address to the U.N. last week.) Obama is a historic figure, but that is the beginning, not the end, of the story.
[click to continue…]

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Is Time Magazine bad for America?

by editor on September 21, 2009


What possessed Time magazine to publish a cover story titled “Mad Man: Is Glenn Beck bad for America?”

The magazine, it seems, had a bit of trouble reconciling the Glenn Beck of 2008 with the Glenn Beck of 2009. Although his listeners and viewers probably don’t.

Last year, shortly after the election, Beck spoke with TIME’s Kate Pickert, and he didn’t sound very scared back then. Of Obama’s early personnel decisions, he said, “I think so far he’s chosen wisely.” Of his feelings about the President: “I am not an Obama fan, but I am a fan of our country … He is my President, and we must have him succeed. If he fails, we all fail.” Of the Democratic Party: “I don’t know personally a single Democrat who is a dope-smoking hippie that wants to turn us into Soviet Russia.” Of the civic duty to trust: “We’ve got to pull together, because we are facing dark, dark times. I don’t trust a single weasel in Washington. I don’t care what party they’re from. But unless we trust each other, we’re not going to make it.”

What’s the mystery, Time? It sounds a lot like what he says on his show today.

In fact, when a lot of people were extremely unhappy with Obama’s victory and were preaching hatred, Glenn Beck was a class act, urging restraint. Just one of those annoying “fact” thingies that Time couldn’t quite squeeze into its four-page article.

It should be noted that Time ran a close race with Newsweek in the last year to determine which publication could kiss the Barack Obama’s ass more thoroughly. Time squeaked out a narrow win by pasting the President’s mug on it’s cover 14 times compared to Newsweek’s even dozen.

Rumor has it that the magazine considered changing its name to The “O” but that was taken. The One just sounded a bit pretentious even for a publication that’s really pretentious. And “Full of Crap” though honest, just wouldn’t sell.
Looks like they’re stuck with Time.

Source: Time

– Written by Patrick Michael

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D Magazine named her one of Dallas’ Ten Most Beautiful Women, but even that’s not enough to overcome what her parents named her.


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The Los Angeles Times, a newspaper not known for honest reporting, issued the following correction late last week:

 TV listings: The Prime-Time TV grid in Thursday’s Calendar section mistakenly listed MTV’s “Jackass” show on the MSNBC cable schedule at 7 and 10 p.m. where instead MSNBC’s “Countdown With Keith Olbermann” should have been listed.

Oddly enough, Olbermann went on the air that night (see clip) and proved the that the original TV listing was pretty damn accurate.


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Ooooh, fashion. Vanity Fair put together its 2009 International Best Dressed List. As you would expect, the Greatest President In History and the Most Beautiful First Lady In History both made the list.

C’mon, these two could wear T-shirts that say, “My parents went to Kenya and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” and tin foil hats and the biased liberal media would still salute them as fashnion icons.

Vanity Fair says Michelle Obama is well-dressed. Who are we to argue with Vanity Fair?

Vanity Fair says Michelle Obama is well-dressed. Who are we to argue with Vanity Fair?

What Vanity Fair said about Michelle:

FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA Residences: Washington, D.C., and Chicago. Occupation: First Lady of the United States. Age: 45. Notable Ensembles of 2009: Inauguration wardrobe; black Moschino organza top, skirt, and silk veil worn when meeting Pope Benedict XVI. Favorite Boutique: Ikram, in Chicago. Signature Wardrobe Item: Cardigan sweaters. Jewelry: Double-strand pearls. Shoe Designers: Jimmy Choo, Puma, Lanvin. Favorite Bargain-Hunting Locale: J. Crew. Causes: Education, health, and veterans’ affairs.

What Vanity Fair didn’t say about Michelle:

Tells everyone she shops at J. Crew, but no one really believes it. Loves to accessorise with $500 athletic shoes and $6000 purses. In reality, her sense of fashion ranks somewhere below France’s First Lady and somewhere above any anonymous homeless lady.

Mom jeans = nerd chic. The only thing missing is a little bell on the handlebars.

Mom jeans = nerd chic. The only thing missing is a little bell on the handlebars.

What Vanity Fair said about President Obama:

BARACK OBAMA Residences: Washington, D.C., and Chicago. Occupation: President of the United States. Age: 48. Notable Purchases of 2009: Hart Schaffner Marx suits; inside of jacket pocket reads, “Made Exclusively for Barack Obama.” Tailor: Hart Schaffner Marx of Chicago—Gold Trumpeter Line: two-button, single-vent jacket and cuffed trousers. Workout Attire: Secret Service cap, black running pants, gray T-shirt, Asics. Shoes: Four pairs, including Cole Haan dress shoes; white Asics sneakers. Sunglasses: Ray-Ban 3217. Watch: A Jorg Gray 6500 presented to him by the Secret Service. Bargain-Hunting Locale: Secret Service employees’ store.

What Vanity Fair didn’t say about President Obama:

Mom jeans are not cool. ‘Nuff said, Urkel.

Source: Vanity Fair

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